


Blackened Heart to Blackened Heart

by Bipolar_Armitage_Hux



Series: Bastards and Broken Things [14]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Agender Hux, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Although Kylo also has PTSD, Angst and Feels, Arguing, Autistic Hux, Autistic Kylo Ren, Fluffy Ending, Hux has PTSD, Intersex Armitage Hux, M/M, Referenced Child Abuse, Sex Worker Kylo Ren, Suicide mention, Trans Kylo Ren, hitman hux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-16 23:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8121229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bipolar_Armitage_Hux/pseuds/Bipolar_Armitage_Hux
Summary: Hux sees what the brand Brendol left on Kylo says. Neither of them are even remotely happy about this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Strongly adapted from an RP between me and kohoutek

Kylo had made a mistake. He was being a fantastic boyfriend, doing everything right, he had been looking after him, nursing him back to health, cooking for him, making sure he had enough opiates to kill the pain. made the appropriately worried comments about how he obtained them and whether taking them was really a good idea. The one thing he had forgotten to do however, since he had managed to make sure he was free for a couple of days, was go home and get some clothes, meaning he borrowed some from Hux, meaning he didn't get a chance to cover up the scars on his back. So when Hux was propped up in his bed, he saw Kylo changing and he saw what was written very distinctively on his hip - which was rather neatly done considering it had been cut into his skin. He knew full well his father had had a lot of practice so it shouldn't have been that surprising. Hux saw it clearly as as Kylo bent down and pulled on some of Hux's boxers, then jeans. As soon as Kylo started looking for a t-shirt Hux knew he needed to say something but he wasn't sure what.   
  
"Nice scar," He said sardonically. It was petty and he regretted it immediately. He felt his face burn up as he saw Kylo's body freeze, who slowly turned around realising his mistake.   
  
"You- you saw it," Kylo responded quietly.   
  
"Yes. I'm not blind," Hux responded, his voice stiff and heavy. They stared at each other, neither one knowing what to say. Hux was sat up, his scarred - leaning slightly to the right side because of his wounds - face still, his jaw clenched and his eyes stung. He stared at Kylo, daring him to say something. His partner stared back, his shoulders stiffened and his body straightened out like Millicent when she was about to pounce. They were silent for a few moments but what felt like five or ten minutes. They dared each other to break the silence. Hux resented the fact that he couldn't get up and walk out - his ribs were broken, he owed Kylo for saving him a couple of days before, and ... He didn't want to leave. He wanted to have never seen it, but he did and they had to talk about it. That was the problem when Hux was injured, it was hard for him to run away from his problems. "I would have appreciated some warning you know," he added. His tone made Kylo's breath stop for a moment as he felt another pull of guilt in his stomach. When he first met Hux he was incredibly well-spoken (and he didn't look like he should have been.) Once he got to know him it became obvious to Kylo that he had only spoken like how they spoke at the Academy, because he rarely spoke to anyone else outside of there (except his father who usual spoke in shouts and insults.) However, a while with Kylo and his tone became much more relaxed - there were more contractions, it was more relaxed. Of course when Hux disassociated, got angry, or started having a flashback... The accent came back. The reason he thought of this is because that was happening right now. And it wasn't good.   
  
"How was I supposed to bring it up?" Kylo said, his voice shaking but trying to remain calm.   
  
"Well, you could have said 'oh, by the way Hux, your father might have branded me' or something," Hux responded, attempting to sound sardonic but the irony was lost a little by the fact he had tears in his throat.  
  
"Don't do that. You know full well it's difficult to put something like that into words, you wouldn't have been able to do it either." Hux looked away from him at that point, and Kylo relaxed a little thinking he might calm down, he was wrong.   
  
"You lied to me. I wouldn't have done that. You covered it up in front of me, I asked about it and you could have told me but you  _didn't_." Kylo noted how Hux hadn't responded to what he said, Kylo was right. Hux wouldn't have told him either and Kylo wasn't sure how he felt about that.   
  
"I-" he started, Hux was right. He had but what did he really expect him to do? "I- I didn't want to hurt you, I was just trying to protect you," Kylo finished, his voice shaking and his breathing laboured. He kept thinking about how this was the worst time to put either of them through this, and it was his fault because he'd forgotten about the fucking scar.   
  
"How did it happen?" Hux asked suddenly out of morbid curiosity which caused Kylo to do a double take.   
  
"What? Fuck, no. No I'm not going to tell you, Hux. Why do you even want to know?" He responded defensively, looking away from Hux.   
  
"He's my father, Kylo. He's my father and he  _hurt_ you, and I know  _how_ he hurts you now thanks to Phasma. I want to know if it's gotten worse because of me, or if he's hurting you because of me or-"   
  
"How can you be so fucking self-absorbed?! This happened to me, not you," Kylo snapped, causing Hux to stare with his mouth open, looking as if he kept wanting to talk but couldn't think of anything he could say in response. Kylo was right of course, and Hux mentally berated himself for it. He was a selfish, egotistical cunt just like his father, but he really tried not to be. With Kylo, at least.   
  
"I didn't mean-" Hux started, shifting in his place on the bed uncomfortably. "I don't know why he's hurting you or why he hurt anyone. He's a monster, he- he's sadistic. I just mean, I'm scared-" Kylo took a step towards Hux when he said that, it felt like things were almost back to normal, like Hux was calming down a little. "-I know he knows about us and... He might make it worse for you because of me." Kylo gingerly sat on the end of the bed, just to get a little closer to Hux even if he still couldn't hold him like he wanted too.   
  
"I'll tell you if it gets worse. I just don't want-"   
  
"No you won't," Hux interrupted. "You'll hide it from me just like you hid this," Hux sneered at him, or at least tried to. A sneer isn't as effective when your voice is too soft from the tears in your throat and your stammer is coming through a little.   
  
"It's... The brand's bad for business. I cover it up for all my clients and-"   
  
"Nice to know a client is all I am to you then," Hux interrupted, knowing full well he sounded like a stroppy fifteen year old.  
  
"That's not what I meant and you fucking know it. Stop being such a little bitch, Hux," Kylo spat back and regretting it the moment he saw Hux's face freeze and then fall. He tried to turn away from Kylo, curl up and not look at him but his injuries meant he couldn't. He heard the distorted shouting and insults of his father filling his, his father's finger's running down his spine. He tried to block it out but he couldn't. He started wringing his hands, scratching at his arm until his freckles were just red and his skin threatened to draw blood, he involuntary let out a short whine and looked like if he could walk by himself he'd be pacing nervously.   
  
"Hux I didn't mean- I'm sorry-"   
  
"Maybe it'd be best if I left," Hux suddenly said, still scratching at his arm and his eyes were wide, anxious, and manic. "You don't want me-"  
  
"Hux, no. Don't be stupid. You can't leave," Kylo said, not quite believing what he'd just heard. "Of course I want you."  
  
"Maybe-" Hux started stammering, letting out a pained whine as he lifted up his legs and wrapped his arms around them, his face told Kylo he was in agony but Hux pushed through it anyway. "Maybe if I left father would leave you alone. I just- I don't want him to hurt you any more."   
  
"Hux, he's not going to stop. You know that," Kylo said, his body language relaxing and his voice becoming softer.    
  
"I know," Hux said suddenly. "He- he used to call me his favourite. I- I know what he does to you - even though you won't tell me. Maybe I can get him to... lose interest. So to speak," he finished, straightening out his legs and running his hand through his short ginger hair.  
  
"I don't like where this is going, Hux. Not at all," Kylo responded warily, Hux was clearly caught in a flashback and Kylo wondered whether he'd taken his anti-psychotic medication that morning. There was something... very worrying about him.   
  
"Maybe he'll leave you alone if he had his old favourite back," Hux said bitterly. He sat up and propped himself up on his arms. "It would give me a chance to kill him."   
  
"No!" Kylo said suddenly, standing up and pacing up and down the room angrily. "Shut the fuck up. Right now," he yelled at Hux but staring straight forward. "You are not going back to him."  
  
"But then he'll leave you alone," Hux said anxiously, a desperate look in his bright blue eyes. "You matter more-"   
  
"Shut up," Kylo yelled again as he started pulling on his hair as he angrily paced up and down the room. "No, you're not doing this. I won't let you."  
  
"Why is it better when he does this to you and not me?" Hux asked, wincing as he forced himself to turn around and sit on the edge of the bed with his legs on the floor. Kylo stood still suddenly, staring at Hux like he wanted nothing more than to grab hold of him and never let go, making sure he will always be safe. Kylo stopped being quite so angry suddenly, his face fell and he just stared at the person he loved.   
  
"You're more important," Kylo responded in a quiet voice that still rang throughout the room. "I-" He stared at the ground, his fingers hooking around the belt loops on Hux's old jeans. "You wake me up sometimes you know, at night. I see you tossing around and whimpering in your sleep, you talk to. Sometimes you can't make it out but when you can, you're begging for him to stop, to leave you alone. You might try and hide it Hux but you can't when you're asleep. You wake up sometimes - but you're still so tired you don't remember the next morning. It- it breaks my heart because sometimes you think I'm him. I can tell because you freeze, and even though you're awake you're still disorientated and you think I'm him. You ask me, quietly and with tears in your voice and eyes if I could just leave you alone this once, please. And, I know I'm fucked up Hux, but at least I'm paid for what I do. I'm not haunted by that man like you are, even if he has done some messed up stuff to me. That's why you're not doing it, that's why you're not going back to him. If I had my way? You'd never see him again, neither of us would. Fuck, when you take over the business he's the first one whose going to die and when you do it, when you beat and torture him before you kill him? I want to see it. I want to see him beg for his life whilst you have power over him and you get to be the one to shoot him in the fucking face," when Kylo had finished he was breathing heavily, barely aware of how long he'd been talking. He didn't mean to say it, it all just... came out. He looked up at Hux whose expression he couldn't read. It was like this was all so much for him he'd just... Stopped. He couldn't feel it any more.   
  
"You-" Hux started, his voice shaking and quiet. He hated himself right now, he felt like an idiot child who was nothing but an emotional burden on the man he loved and he desperately wanted to do something to help and protect him. But he knew Kylo was right, he couldn't. "You are the one good thing that's ever happened to me, Kylo. I - I just want to protect you." Kylo sat down beside him on the bed and raised his out his arm, a quick nod from Hux said it was okay to touch him, he wrapped his arm around one shoulder and placed his hand on Hux's right cheekbone as he kissed the top of his head.   
  
"I know, and he's going to be dead soon. We both know that. I can't let you hurt yourself for me, Hux," Kylo said softly, just thankful that Hux was beginning to calm down. "Can we please drop this idea?"    
  
"Fine. But - he needs to die, soon," Hux spat, Kylo kissed his temples and breathed in the smell of anti-septic and coconut shampoo as he did so.   
  
"Agreed," Kylo whispered back with a hint of a smile.   
  
"You know," Hux said, attempting to sound light-hearted but failing. "I have some scar reduction serum in the first aid box. If you want to attempt to get rid of the scars."   
  
"Does it work?" Kylo said suddenly, his eyes brightening up a little. Hux lifted up his right wrist.   
  
"Yeah, you have to apply it once a day for twelve weeks but look you can barely see a thing," he said casually, pointing to the blue vein just under his palm. Kylo stopped breathing momentarily as he realised Hux meant a cut from a suicide attempt.   
  
"Okay, but first we have something more important to deal with."   
  
"What's that?" On that question, Kylo jumped into the space next to Hux in his bed and stretched his arms out invitingly, actually causing them both to smile through their red, tear stained faces. 


End file.
